For many women, the mother-daughter relationship is one of life’s most complex bonds. It often oscillates between affection and friction, closeness and conflict.
But for Amy Goober and her 93-year-old mother, Gwen Bordon, that connection became the foundation of a meaningful project that now impacts women across generations.
Together, they co-authored a book titled “My Mother Always Says: 25 Lessons for Finding the Silver Lining.” It blends Gwen’s well-worn wisdom with Amy’s modern insights as a daughter, mother and entrepreneur.
“We didn’t always see eye to eye,” Amy admitted. “When I was growing up, I wanted to be like everyone else. I’d say, ‘Why can’t I eat like other people? Why do we have brown rice and duck and lamb chops?’ I didn’t understand at the time that my mom wasn’t trying to be different. She was just being who she was.”
Gwen agreed, noting, “I wasn’t the mother she wanted. But I was the mother she needed.”
A journey from resistance to resilience
Their story is not about a picture-perfect relationship. In fact, Gwen recalled many seasons when she and Amy clashed, particularly in the early years.
As a passionate, politically-active mother raising children during a turbulent era, Gwen marched to the beat of her own drum, and often brought her kids along for the ride.
“When Amy was young, I took the kids cross-country twice to see national parks,” Gwen said. “Amy didn’t want to go. She’d hide in the back of the station wagon and say, ‘You’ve seen one mountain, you’ve seen them all.’”
Yet, years later, Amy began to realize the value of those experiences. As she matured, so did her appreciation for her mother’s strength, curiosity and unwavering presence.
“She wasn’t the mother I thought I wanted,” Amy said. “But I understand now that she’s the mother who gave me what I needed to become who I am today.”
That realization helped lay the groundwork for their book.
Turning wisdom into words
The idea for “My Mother Always Says” came when Amy realized how often she quoted her mother in conversation.
“In the last five years or so, I kept saying, ‘As my mother always says…,’” Amy explained. “I was quoting her in business meetings, parenting moments and even in casual conversations. That’s when I knew we needed to capture this in a book.”
At first, they set out to write a collection of life lessons. But Gwen, who had spent much of her life helping others as a teacher, counselor and social worker, felt something was missing.
“She said, ‘We need the glue to hold it all together,’” Amy recalled. “So we added the memoir portion. The book tells her story from childhood to the present, and each chapter shares a lesson she learned along the way.”
The result is a compelling blend of generational wisdom and heartfelt storytelling. Gwen’s classic sayings – such as “There are no bad experiences, only ones you don’t learn from” – are paired with Amy’s reflections on how those lessons shaped her as a woman, mother and leader.
The book’s message resonates with readers of all ages, especially women navigating family dynamics and seeking personal growth.
“People say, ‘You’re so lucky to have this relationship,’” Amy said. “And we are, but it wasn’t easy. We had to work at it. We still do.”
The power of showing up
One of the most consistent themes in their story is the importance of presence. Gwen firmly believes in the adage that “80 percent of success in life is just showing up.”
After Amy moved to Boston and started her own family, Gwen remained in Long Island, which is four and a half hours away. But distance didn’t deter her.
“When Amy had her first child, Samantha, she asked, ‘Are you going to be too busy to come up here?’ And I said, ‘I’ll be there every month.’ And I was,” Gwen said proudly. “I didn’t miss a dance recital, a school play or a football game. I was always there, even if it meant freezing on the sidelines.”
That consistent contact, they both agree, is what built a stronger bond over time.
“You can’t have impact without contact,” Amy said. “Being there by physically showing up is what makes all the difference.”
Redefining mentorship and motherhood
Another major lesson they hope readers will take from their story is that wisdom doesn’t have to come from a single source. Gwen, who was raised by extended family due to her sister’s illness, learned early on that love and guidance could come from many places.
“You don’t need to have just your parents,” Gwen said. “I was passed around as a baby, but I thrived. I learned that if you smile and you’re kind, people will be good to you.”
That insight helped her see the value in other adults influencing her own children’s lives.
“Amy had a friend whose mother taught her to decorate cakes and sew. I wasn’t threatened by that. In fact, I was happy someone else could offer what I couldn’t,” Gwen said.
Amy agreed. “We need many mentors in life. Some lessons came from my mother. Others came from teachers, neighbors or other moms. That’s okay.”
In fact, Gwen believes that embracing multiple mentoring relationships helps daughters avoid unrealistic expectations of their mothers.
“You have to stop blaming your mother for everything that went wrong,” she said. “Try to understand what shaped her. Most people don’t want to be bad parents. They do the best they can with what they were given.”
Lessons that last
For Gwen, who recently celebrated her 93rd birthday, the joy of life comes from gratitude and perspective.
“I’ve lived through a lot of perilous times, and I’ve always believed everything would be all right,” she said. “I think I was born lucky. But more than that, I’ve learned not to make things bigger than they are.”
She also credits her optimism to role models, like Aunt Ruth, the 17-year-old who helped raise her and lived to be 106.
“She never said a bad word about anyone,” Gwen recalled. “She was always positive and supportive. She showed me how to be a grandmother.”
That modeling had a profound influence on Amy as well.
“When I’m facing a challenge, I can hear my mother’s voice in my head,” Amy said. “That voice helps me through. I think that’s what a lot of women want – to have that reassuring voice, instead of a critical one.”
Amy has carried those lessons into her own life and work. Now 65, she helps women over 50 rediscover purpose, passion and possibility through her coaching practice and public events in the Boston area.
“I run women’s events, and my mother has spoken at the last three,” she said. “The women love her. They say, ‘If I’m going to take advice, I want it from the 93-year-old who’s lived through it all and still smiles.’”
Making space for generational storytelling
Amy and Gwen are passionate about helping others document their stories as well. They urge families to have intentional conversations, and record them, if possible, so that personal history is preserved.
“Start by asking, ‘What was it like when you were a child?’” Amy suggested. “Use your phone. Do it five minutes at a time. You’ll never regret having those memories.”
Gwen added, “Every person has a narrative. And when someone cares enough to ask, that’s healing in itself.”
While Amy believes Zoom or video calls can help bridge gaps, Gwen remains old school.
“Zoom is an obscenity,” she joked. “You need to be there in person. To touch a hand, see a face or share a laugh. There’s no substitute for that.”
Still, both women agree that any form of connection is better than none. The key is to be intentional, curious and open-hearted.
Choosing optimism
Above all, Gwen and Amy’s message is one of hope, especially for women trying to navigate complicated family relationships.
“Work to understand your mother’s life,” Gwen advised. “The longer mine has been gone, the more I understand her. You have to learn what shaped the people in your life.”
Amy added, “Most people have good intentions. They just don’t always have good outcomes. If you want to connect, start with a conversation and keep going from there.”
Their book, “My Mother Always Says,” is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and at Amy’s website at www.amygoober.com.
It’s a warm, relatable and often humorous look at the wisdom passed from one generation to the next, and how we can all find the silver linings in life’s journey.
As Gwen likes to say, “There are no bad experiences, only the ones you don’t learn from.”
For more information
People can connect with Amy in a number of ways, including:
- Website = www.amygoober.com
- Facebook = www.facebook.com/amy.goober
- Facebook group = www.facebook.com/groups/amygoober.bettertogether
- Instagram = www.instagram.com/amygoober.driveyourlife
- LinkedIn = www.linkedin.com/in/amygoober
If you order a copy of Amy and Gwen’s book from a link above, Forward From 50 may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.
